My Football Betrayal

I walked away from football earlier this year. Not because I stopped loving the game, not because of my team, and not even because of abuse. I left because I knew the FA ban on trans women was coming. I could feel the writing on the wall, and I couldn’t bear to stay and wait for the moment they told me I wasn’t welcome.

I learned this past week that a report had been submitted to the FA by my captain after a match against Earls Hall. In it, she described how their players repeatedly misgendered me, how I was called my deadname from the sidelines, and how the referee had to get involved. Even their own captain apparently told her team to stop at one point, but it didn’t end there.

The most painful part? I was never told. Not by my captain. Not by my manager.

So I carried on playing, believing I was accepted, respected, part of something bigger. I thought I’d found a home in women’s football. Instead, behind my back, I was being mocked and disrespected.

That hurts in a way I can’t even begin to put into words. I don’t know what’s worse: that Earls Hall thought it was okay to treat me like that, or that the people I trusted most thought I couldn’t handle the truth.

I didn’t leave because of this incident, or any particular abuse. I left because I knew the FA would ban me and my trans sisters – and they did.

But now, looking back, I see that even before the ban, transphobia was already there, eating away at the game I loved.

Report from Ami’s captain highlighting transphobic abuse.

I wish I could end this on a hopeful note, but right now all I feel is heartbreak. I miss football every day. I miss the pitch, the friendships, the team spirit, the simple joy of playing.

I may have left because of policy. But knowing what I know now….